Have a nice day!

Have a Nice Day (A Reader’s Theater Exercise for youth in lock up)

And before we commence this reading, I’d like to mention that I am using a photo of a zebra getting fired instead of an old man, so to avoid “offending anyone” hahaha! KIDDING of course, but I thought the zebra getting fired in an office was a nice touch.

By the way, anything in caps that prompts sing/rap means exactly what it states. This is an excellent way for youth to act assertively.

****Lyrics and music by Run DMC, after some start off rap/singing prompts in CAPS.

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

Well, actually you’re position as an administrative assistant is being reclassified.

EMPLOYEE

Wait a minute, am I being let go? Oh no, I’ve got bills to pay. I need to start looking for another job right away!

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

No, no, no, you’re fine, I promise!

(RAP/SING) -I PROMISE YOU’RE FINE AND IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, THEN YOU GOTTA LEAVE ME AND WE DEFINITELY NEED YOU FOR THIS NEW POSITION IN WHICH AND WE HOPE THAT IT’S NO IMPOSITION!

EMPLOYEE

Um, what new job will I be doing? Will it require bad rapping skills?

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

Hey! That hurt my feelings!

EMPLOYEE

(RAP/SING) WITH ALL DUE RESPECT SIR, COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, I’M JUST TRYING TO PAY THE BILLS, GET AHEAD IN LIFE AND GET HIGHER BILLINGS!

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

Okay, point taken. You are right. My feelings aside, let’s get you into your new position because the day’s just starting out and you have a lot of work to do.

EMPLOYEE

Uh, you haven’t told me what my new job position is and is it simple enough that I can start ASAP like you’re talking about?

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

(RAP/SING) YOU BET! THIS JOB WILL BE SO EASY, YOU’LL BE DANCING THE BEGEEZY! EVEN THOUGH YOU’LL BE MAKING PEOPLE CRY ALL DAY, THOSE FOLKS WILL BE ON THEIR WAY, WE’LL SAY!

EMPLOYEE

Making people cry all day? What exactly will I be doing in this new job?

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

You will be a hatchet man.

EMPLOYEE

What?

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

Well, the official term is a termination consultant.

EMPLOYEE

A termination what?

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

(RAP/SING)

A TERMINATION CONSULTANT! YOU GET TO MEET NEW PEOPLE EVERY DAY!

EMPLOYEE

(RAP/SING)

What’s that you say!

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

(RAP/SING) YOU GET TO MEET NEW PEOPLE EVERY SINGLE DAY! YOU GET TO TRAVEL EVERY SINGLE DAY! AND IT’S PAID!

EMPLOYEE

(RAP/SING)

WOW, GOTTTA START THIS JOB OFFER BEFORE IT FADES! I’LL BE PLAYING MY ACE OF SPADES!

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

Well, speaking of ace of spades, you know that it’s equated with power, good fortune, death and transformation? That has a lot to do with this new job you’ll be starting. In fact your first victims, (COUGH REAL LOUD) sorry, I mean employee is waiting in that room over there.

EMPLOYEE

Huh? My victim? What is this?

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

Here is your script. I have a meeting to get to-

EMPLOYEE

Script? What?

HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER

Yep, gotta go. Good luck and after this, you’ll receive your work assignments and travel information all via email. Here is my business card if you have any future questions. Right now, you go there and deal with that employee. You’re business associate is already in there. You’ll be working with her usually. Goodbye and good luck!

EMPLOYEE

Um okay. Thank you for this script. I’m going over to these people now. See what the heck I’m actually doing because I’m kind of confused.

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

(RAP/SING)

HI! WELCOME TO THE SPECIAL ROOM WHERE WE WILL BE PRACTICING TERMINATION CONSULTATIONS TOGETHER. I KNOW THOUSANDS OF DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEES WILL BE STRICKEN, BUT HOPEFULLY NEW JOBS ON THE HORIZON AND THEY’LL GET TETHERED!

EMPLOYEE

Okay, I’m still learning or more like, don’t know anything about this job at all. So maybe you can fill me in on what’s going on.

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Sure, well first let me introduce you to John Fellows Sr. He’s been working at First Corporate Corporation for twenty years.

EMPLOYEE

Um, hi. Hello. I’m Aaron Devonshire.

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Here’s your script to talk to John Fellows Sr. about what is happening to him today.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

Crap, let’s get this over with. I can’t believe how young you people are doing this to me today! Screw you guys!

EMPLOYEE

Wait woah! I just got this job and-

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

He’s brand new? Are you kidding me? Come on son, read your stupid script to me. Maybe in another ten to fifteen years, someone will read you a special script after you’ve labored at a job for a really long time!

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Okay, okay, calm down or we will get security in here Mr. Fellows. Do you understand?

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

(RAP/SING)

YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO! I MIGHT BE AN OLDER DUDE COMPARED TO YOU NUMB NUTS BUT I GOT MORE TALENT! LITTLE SONNY BOY, YOU READ FROM THAT SCRIPT ASAP OR YOU CAN GET BENT!

EMPLOYEE

What?

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

(RAP/SING)

STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH A-ARON! MR. FELLOWS GOTTA ATTITUDE BUT YOURE GONNA GET ACQUAINTED WITH YOUR BRAND NEW CUSHY CUSHY BOUGIE JOB AND GIVE HIM AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! SO START RIGHT AWAY CAUSE THIS IS FOR THE BETTERMENT!

EMPLOYEE AARRON

Mr. Fellows, thank you for your attendance to this important meeting today.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

Oh for Christ’s sakes, let’s get the ridiculous formalities out of the way. Don’t pretend you’re doing something nice to me. Stupid.

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Aaron, I know Mr. Fellows is being emotional, but continue doing your job and since you don’t know it very well yet-

EMPLOYEE AARON

I don’t know it at all.

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Read from your script. Let’s not keep Mr. Fellows waiting.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

Yeah, let’s not keep me waiting.

(RAP/SING)

COME ON A-ARON, DO NOT BE AFRAID! YOU’RE GONNA CAN AN OLD MAN! NOW YOU CAN BE PROUD, BRAG TO YOUR FRIENDS! BUT KARMA’S GONNA GET YOU, YOU CAN BET WHAT’S ROUND THE BEND!

EMPLOYEE AARRON

Karma’s around the bend? What does he mean about that?

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Never mind about that. He knows what’s going on and he’s reacting emotionally. Go on.

EMPLOYEE AARRON

He knows what’s going on?

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

Son, you really are wet behind the ears!

EMPLOYEE AARRON

The back of my ears are not wet!

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

(RAP/SING)

READ FROM YOUR SCRIPT OR YOU WILL BE IN THE SAME SITCH AS MR.FELLOWS, THROUGH THOUSANDS OF JOB APPS YOU WILL SIFT! AND I AIN’T KIDDING MAN, YOU’LL BE POUNDING THE PAVEMENT SO MUCH, YOU’LL GET A MAJOR TAN!

EMPLOYEE AARRON

Um, Mr. Fellows, thanks you again for being here.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

Like I have any damn choice in the matter stupids.

EMPLOYEE AARRON

Mr. Fellows, I regret to inform you that your position is no longer available. And that a security guard will follow you out after this meeting so you can collect your stuff, box it up and leave the premises immediately. Huh? Oh no, I’m firing him?

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

Bingo young dumb butt!

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Mr. Fellows please stop interrupting and let Aarron finish.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

Oh yeah, let him finish informing me that I’m finished? Sure, sure, sure! Go west young man, go west!

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Now that is so patriarchal sir, I’m going to stop you there. Aarron continue your script and let Mr. Fellows know the specifics of his walking papers.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

(RAP/SING)

EXCUSE ME! HOW UNPROFESSIONAL OF YOU FOOLS! I’LL HAVE YOU IN COURT, YOU CAN BET THIS AIN’T THE KIND OF COURT YOU DAMN YOUNGSTERS FAVOR! JUST SAVOR THE LOSS AND KNOW IT WON’T BE BASKETBALL! YOU TWO WILL BE LOOKING FOR JOBS MAKIN’ MINIMUM WAGE IN THE MALL!

EMPLOYEE AARRON

Is he serious?

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Never mind about him, he’s just overreacting. Keep reading your script.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

I’m not overreacting you dumb kids. Aarron, is that your name? Keep reading your script. Let me know what the hell I’m walking out of here with.

EMPLOYEE AARON

Well, you will get severance pay for half a year, but it will be at half the salary you were making. Also, your pension is no longer applicable.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

What? How dare you bastards take away my pension?!?

(START CRYING REALLY LOUD AND SADLY)

EMPLOYEE AARON

Oh my god, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy this job.

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

(RAP/SING)

BUT WHEN YOU FIND OUT HOW MUCH YOU’RE GETTING PAID, SEEING SOME FOLKS BREAK DOWN IN TEARS AIN’T GONNA MATTER. FOR ALL I CARE, THEY CAN GO HOME AND BATHE IN BATTER!

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

(RAP/SING)

MORE TO ADD TO MY LAWSUIT YOU UNPROFESSIONAL BUTTS! I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES YOU’LL BE IN AN IMPOSSIBLE RUT!

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

You can’t intimidate us.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

You are mistaken.

(RAP/SING)

I AM THE KING OF ROCK, THERE IS NONE HIGHER! SUCKER MC SO CALL ME SIRE!

TO BURN MY KINGDOM YOU MUST USE FIRE. I WON’T STOP ROCKING TILL I RETIRE!

NOW WE ROCK THE PARTY AND COME CORRECT!

OUR CUTS ARE ON TIME AND RHYMES CONNECT.

GOT THE RIGHT TO VOTE AND WILL ELECT

AND OTHER RAPPERS CAN’T STAND US BUT GIVE US RESPECT!

EMPLOYEE AARRON

Woah, I like that. Didn’t know old men can rap. Did you make that up?

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

Unbelievable son. Your current popular rap superstars are standing on the shoulders of these greats!

(RAP/SING)

YOU BETTER GET TO KNOW RUN DMC OR ELSE I’LL INCLUDE YOU IN THE LAWSUIT WITH MISTER MISTER PANTS HERE, YOUR RIDONCULOUS BUSINESS ASSOCIATE! HE’S SO UNTETHERED HE’LL TAKE THE RIDICULOUS BATE!

EMPLOYEE AARRON

Wow, thank you! You mean I’m not included in the lawsuit for firing you and making inappropriate remarks

(RAP/SING)

ABOUT YOUR BEING KICKED TO THE CURB! THIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATE OF MINE NEEDS TO WRITE A NEW BLURB. HE HAS NO SOUL AND I INTEND TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE, DON’T WANNA FIRE HONEST TO GOD WORKERS ALL DAY, DON’T WANNA ROT IN HELL! THEY’LL BE SINGING FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS!

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Are you threatening to quit A-arron?

(RAP/SING)

CAUSE YOU’RE NEVER EVER EVER, GONE FIND ANOTHER JOB THAT’S BETTER! YOU’RE NEVER EVER EVER GONNA FIND ANOTHER JOB THAT’S BETTER!

EMPLOYEE AARON

Okay really Taylor Swift?

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

Now I can sue for being traumatized too. So take that!

(RAP/SING)

THEY CALLED US AND SAID WE’RE GETTING’ ILLER

THERE’S NO ONE CHILLER

IT’S NOT MICHAEL JACKSON AND THIS IS NOT THRILLER

AS ONE DEF RAPPER, I KNOW I CAN HANG

I’M RUN FROM RUN D.M.C. LIKE KOOL FROM KOOL AND THE GANG!

ROLL TO THE ROCK, ROCK TO THE ROLL!

D.M.C. STANDS FOR DEVASTATING MIC CONTROL

YOU CAN’T TOUCH ME WITH A TEN FOOT POLE

AND I EVEN MADE THE DEVIL SELL ME HIS SOUL!

EMPLOYEE AARRON

Actually my Dad loved RUN D.M.C. back in his day so…

(RAP/SING)

NOW WE CRASH THROUGH WALLS, CUT THROUGH FLOORS

BUST THROUGH CEILINGS AND KNOCK DOWN DOORS

AND WHEN WE’RE ON THE TAPE, WE’RE FRESH OUT THE BOX

YOU CAN HEAR OUR SOUNDS FOR BLOCKS AND BLOCKS

FOR EVERY LIVING PERSON WE’RE A PURPLE TREAT

IT’S ME AND D.M.C. JAY, WHERE’S THE BEAT?

BUSINESS ASSOCIATE

Okay, I think this meeting is over. The security guard over there is waiting to follow you to clean up your desk Mr. Fellows.

JOHN FELLOWS SR.

(RAP/SING)

NOW WE’RE THE BADDEST OF THE BAD, THE COOLEST OF THE COOL

I’M D.M.C., I ROCK N’ ROLL, I’M D.J. RUN, I ROCK AND RULE

IT’S NOT A TRICK OR TREAT AND IT’S NOT AN APRIL FOOL

IT’S ALL BRAND NEW, NEVER OLD SCHOOL

EMPLOYEE AARRON

YOU GOT THE MUSIC IN YOUR BODY AND YOU CAN’T COMPREHEND

WHEN YOU’RE MIND WON’T WIGGLE AND YOUR KNEES WILL BEND

MUSIC AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A PEOPLE’S JAM

IT’S DJ RUN-D.M.C. , ROCKIN’ WITHOUT A BAND!

THE END!

I would like to sincerely thank and make a mention to the old school band: Run DMC!